Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Randomize