What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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