I'm gonna have a badass scar
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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