Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
