I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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