I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
