Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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