Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
