my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
