stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
