Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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