this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
