glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
