So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
