I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
