no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
