I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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