I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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