just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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