Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
