What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
