Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
