He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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