it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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