"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
