Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
