sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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