Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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