I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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