Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
