hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
