I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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