and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
