You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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