I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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