Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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