He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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