Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
