No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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