Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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