You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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