dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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