i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
