I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
