You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
