i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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