How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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