that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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