I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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