You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Farmville is her only friend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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