i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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