I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
