I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
