the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
