Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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