we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
