You smell like stripper and shame
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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