Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I want to fling myself into the sun
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
