A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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