Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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