How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's shark week go big or go home
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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