I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
