LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
