He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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