Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
