Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
