Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
