Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
