My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
