You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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