I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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