I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
