Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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