I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
where am i from again
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
