mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
