Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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