Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
