yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
