I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
