i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
