I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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