Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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