Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
