I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
