I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
did i walk over a car last night?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
