you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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