omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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