When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
