would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
