can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
