you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
