I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
